"Nothing in life is so hard that you can't make it easier by the way you take it."
Sunday, October 31, 2010
I love Sundays. I love the gospel. I love that I am a member of the true church here on the earth. I love that I am at BYU. Life is never easy but on days like today I am so glad to be who I am, and I am grateful for the challenges i've been given. I hope you all realize today that you are loved by your Savior. Here are some of my favorite paintings by Simon Dewey an amazing painter from Cardston, Alberta. I think these show how I feel right now.
PS. My mom got put in the Young Womens as the Mia-Maids advisor. Haha now that I'm gone they put her in. I'm so excited for her.
Brave by Tawgs Salter.....I think I'll be brave. You take big leaps and you learn from you falls. Sometimes things need to be put on pause—I keep racing around and half of me holds back, while the rest of me pushes forward. I can't keep up so i'm pulled in two. I'll sit on the ledge and continue to wonder what could have been—what might have been. I'm sorry for all the things that I did. Let me fade away as our lives fade apart. I hope you find everything you thought you had found in me. I never meant to lose my hold, it always seemed to be so tight. It's alright to lack bravery, but your thoughts will never be heard if that's all you allow them to be. It's alright to be wrong. I gave advice to a friend once. I told her you have to give it your all, and in the end if you fall at least you know you did everything you could've done. You can't blame yourself if you know that. I'll be the first to say i'm a hypocrite. Now look who is scared to be wrong. Even though I'd rather be wrong than hope that I'm right I can't step out of it. I guess time after time it gets harder and harder. Wish this piece of me wasn't so broken. Luckily tomorrow morning I will find myself in one of the most beautiful places in the world. Nothing heals the past better, nothing fixes me quicker, and nothing reminds me why I keep trying, like the temple does.
My nephew is the best little angel! Well angel most the time—haha okay I take that back—all the time, especially when your changing a ridiculously stinky diaper and he smiles at you!! It's so adorable how he always sleeps on his belly with his hands by his face.
He is so darling when he cries and he puts the cutest pout on, or when he rolls his head around trying to hold it up. Better still, when you get a glimpse of his little smirk. Please look at his cute little yawn...I don't think I have ever seen anything so perfectly precious in my life.
I'm pretty sure the best thing in the world right now would be described as this..... Snowboarding with the family....snowball fight with Taylor....just some of that beautiful white snow outside..... topped off with some card games and hot chocolate before bed. :D
Imagine how disappointed I was to walk to my Math lecture and find you were not in the JKB 3008. I thought it was the plan to quickly catch up during the ten minute break! So guess who sat waiting for you to walk out.... mhmmm.... that's right. Next Thursday at 11:50 I expect to see you before I go into room 3008! Miss your crazy face. Just dedicating this picture to you.
It is completely normal to have to spend a little bit of money when you move away. Life is so busy all the time it will be so nice to have the new Marcia Lynn Mcclure books (yes, I gave in and bought both) to read when I get a little stressed, so that purchase is completely justified :D. Then there is the ten dollars I spent towards signing up for the Ensign. I couldn't have spent my money any wiser. Mom would be pleased. She would also enjoy the fact that the swimsuit she was going to buy me over the summer is now in stock and 40% off....so since I never got it then... why not get it when it's on sale.
Tomorrow I will consider an appropriate place to hide my bank card before I get too carried away. I'm sure it won't take me too long to remember I am a poor BYU student who needs to buy grocery's, get quarters for laundry(buy laundry detergent), visit Macey's, and all the other fun things that come with my new life.
PS. The mini Crunch bars....well those weren't a good purchase at all haha, but have you met my roommate we like to call her 'Satan' because she convinces you to buy everything. Thanks a lot Karen!
The other day I was playing around on google maps. It lead me to my home. The place where all the moments of my life come together. This place is where the most beautiful images were engrained into my mind. It’s the wonderful place that made me and made who I am. So far many of my favorite memories occurred in my home. Or as Miranda Lambert would say in “the house that built me”.
I picture the three stairs leading up to my front door. Through the maroon door my front entry, upon entering my little puppy Bear runs in from under the kitchen table. He runs around my feet anxiously begging for a piece of my attention. His huge fluffy tail twitching uncontrollably; his fur is as soft as a handful of flour. My mom’s standing in the kitchen ready to ask me about my day. My dad’s down in his room. The same room we would have interviews with him; usually invovling a bowl of candy and him asking us about school and church. I look into the living room where I once would rock Tay to sleep by softly singing my elementary choir songs to him. The same living room that held all our belongings from downstairs squished from wall to wall. In the middle of it all a queen mattress was on the floor, where Mandi and I slept for many weeks, while we waited for my dad to redesign the basement from the sewer back-up. In those days Mandi became my best friend.
There is screaming and running coming from the hallway; Taylor bursts around the corner with eyes the size of tennis balls with Jaden right on his tail. Teasing and taunting comes naturally to these two. No matter how hard you try you can’t get Jaden to leave Taylor alone or vice versa. I walk down the stairs; the very same ones I fell down when I was two, losing the only two teeth I had. I remember the play room that used to be under the stairs, and all the old dress ups I would play with and my mini kitchen. Then to my room, where at one point— I again—shared it with my older sister Mandi. I can still see the two twin beds squished in the room with little space between the beds. Now it is newly painted a dark turquoise blue with white trim. My bedspread lays on my bed; the evidence of many hours working with grandma.
In the backyard we have the gazebo, the tramp, and the jungle gym. I look at the new tramp and I remember the old one. It was the best! Oh my word, so bouncy you thought you could touch the sky. I picture the large hole in the center that slowly kept expanding as we climbed through it until the tramp had to be replaced. I imagine the snowstorms when me and Taylor would shovel the snow towards the tramp and pile it up along the frame until we had an igloo. Or when my dad and I would shovel all the snow into the back of my truck so I could have better traction haha. I imagine my childhood best friend Anna and our amazing forts in the jungle gym. We would haul all the biggest blankets out and cover all the walls and openings with blankets; then put up our sign “She-woman-men-haters club”. It was the best we could come up with in response to Little Rascals.
I love this place it’s my home and always will be, no matter if my parents one day sell it. In my mind it will always be my home and it will hold all my amazing childhood memories.
I got to have an amazing Thanksgiving dinner today, as well as go on an awesome cute little hike to some falls nearby. Here are my amazing brothers and my dad....and Taylor being dork :D completely normal. So sometimes we find it really fun to pick on the youngest....don't worry though he loves the attention. And sometimes Taylor and I have the same maturity level.... self explanatory. I am so thankful for my family! I love them all. Missed Ryan Mandi and Brett this weekend.
I am so sorry. I can't help it I have become addicted to blogging. So a few weeks ago I was asked to talk about the priesthood and how it's affected my life to the elder's quorum, and ever since it's had me thinking about all the men who have played a big role in my life.
I'll start with the newest addition Cameron. He is the craziest brother ever! He has a huge truck that I have to jump to get in and out of. Cam is the nicest guy alive. He is always helping people out, making jokes, and teasing people. You can't help but love him. He also loves to give hugs and has helped me warm up to the idea. I'll never forget when he surprised me and brought Randa down for my Grad. I still can't believe he jumped in my bed to wake me up at three in the morning just to say Hi!! haha
Next was Brett he's a little trickier to get to know at first he was really shy around the family, but eventually I think he finally realized we weren't to bad. He's not around a whole lot because he is studying really hard over in Toronto... at least that's what he tells us he's doing. From the looks of things him and Mandi are actually just partying away from the family. I'm still trying to forgive him for stealing Mandi from me because I had fun sharing a room with my best friend lol. I love him though and he is a great addition to the family, and if you get to know him you realize he is a big tease, really competitive, and an alright card player. I'm glad he is apart of the family and that he is so perfect for Mandi.
Now my oldest brother Ryan. Ryan... I don't know where to begin with Ryan ever since I was little he has always been the best big brother. I remember when I was playing soccer with Ryan and his friends; I had to go to the emergency room because I became really sick really fast some strange allergic reaction that came out of no where and when I got home Ryan and his friends had bought me a card and had all signed it with cute little messages to me. He would always talk to me when I needed a friend and give me advice. I loved when he would give me a hug and kiss me on the forehead before leaving somewhere for a long period of time. No matter where you are I'll always love you.
Jaden I was so lucky to get placed between you and Ryan. I really loved that we really started to get to know each other even better before I left. I loved playing soccer with you Jaden even though we were both really competitive, and I enjoyed fighting over who got to drive to the games. I loved bragging about you; my cute little/big brother with the curly blonde hair. I loved going gopher hunting with you and buying slurpy's or when you made me crawl down on the dirty floor of the truck so you wouldn't get a ticket. Your awesome don't change for no one....and stay away from girls. :)
Now it's Taylor's turn. Taylor I will never forget all of our fun moments together. Singing you to sleep, staying up late waiting for Santa, sharing a room, making hot chocolate after playing in the snow or leaves, walking Bear together, going to the fireworks when everyone else was to tired, making popcorn, getting VeggieTales and SpongeBob from the library, when you call me. Haha Taylor I love you so much please grow up to be like your older brothers.
Now most importantly my dad. He is the best man in the world. My dad would give me the stars if he could. I don't think there is anything he wouldn't do for his daughters. I love him so much he is always their for me. I'll never forget the days when he didn't want me going running late at night and he would wait up to make sure I got home okay or he would come to the gym with me so I wasn't alone. Or even when he threw me in the lake with the wakeboard and made me try it. It may have been the worst experience of my life but now I am so glad he did. My dad is my superhero, I know he would save me from any dangers I may face.
There are so many other amazing men in my life! Grandpa Sommerfeldt thank you for showing me what it means to work hard, and then work some more. Grandpa Cahoon thanks for loving everyone and for teaching my dad to be such a tease.
Monte Kartchner for being my second dad growing up. All the Kartchner boys for sharing so many memories with me from easter egg hunts to fondu to branding cows and riding horses to finding kittens in the barn. Running around the barn getting dirty and making up games. Playing with toy guns with Jaden and Kayden. Going to echo and getting thrown or pushed in the lake by Karson. Wishing I was old enough to hang out with Brad, Brett, Mandi and Randa.
Nic Barfuss for being my best friend always helping me become better, for being such a good example to my brothers,and helping me realize life isn't supposed to be so serious all the time, have fun and enjoy being a goof. Thanks for being you.
Levi Stanford you were the best childhood friend I ever had I'll never forget playing in the Stanford's backyard. Roger Thomson for being the biggest tease and taking me horseback riding. I'll get you back for dumping that cup of water on me for coming home late:) Uncle Frank for playing my silly "spill game". Dustin for never getting tired of me saying boys drool and girls rule when I was little. Vince for talking like Donald Duck to entertain the young kids. And oh so many more. Unfortunately I don't have the time to go through you all, but I love you all and am grateful for your examples.
So today was amazing. I worked so hard yesterday so I could be homework free tonight and it payed off. I got to celebrate my sisters birthday, and go eat at the TexasRoadhouse; where my grandma danced in the aisles with the workers haha.
I also got to play with Ryker some more, and am very proud of getting him to sleep twice today and changing a diaper lol. Yes, I am a CRAZY proud aunt, but look at
those adorable cheeks how could you not love that little face. He fell asleep with my scarf clenched tightly in his little hand, so naturally when I put him down it went with him.
Then my roommates and I experimented and found it is fun to stretch and laugh laying sideways in our hallway. :) This is what happens when you hang out with sleep deprived roommates. Laughing hysterically for no obvious reason.
So sometimes when studying I can't handle listening to music for too long; before I find myself getting sick of it and just wanting soft silence. Today; however, my Ipod flipped to a beautiful song that I listened to on repeat while I got all my work done. Sometimes we just have to dream about the future, and let all our fears disappear. Dream that those we care about miss us as much as we miss them. Life is full of possibilities. We always want to believe someone when they tell us something unimaginable. What's wrong with closing your eyes and wishing that it's true...it could be a possibility. It's weird because when I first heard this song I didn't love it. I like girl bands who are more punk and less mello...? However, music has the ability to become something special to all individuals at different moments in their life. Right now this song happens to be beautiful to me when I never before gave it a second thought.
There is one thing I have learned since coming to BYU: people are not what you think. In Cardston you've grown up with the same kids since kindergarten. You know everyone on a basic level. At BYU you're constantly making new friends and finding crazy fun people to hang out with. People can surprise you. There was a girl in my ward who completely freaked me out! Not because she was creepy, but because she was gorgeous and had it all it seemed. I was automatically terrified of her because she was pretty....and guess what? I became her visiting teacher, and she seems so nice and down to earth. Not what I was expecting at all. Or how about the guy I called the Hulk... no he wasn't green, he just always seemed angry or emotionless. Then I heard him give the sweetest testimony in church and I felt bad for thinking that. Or my math teacher who I thought was—Crazy because she seemed to live for math—but really she just keeps herself so busy with math because it keeps her from missing her husband. He passed away a few years ago. I have a new respect for her and all she does. Then there were these other two guys who on first appearance I assumed were "Tools". Then I played soccer with them. The sweetest thing happened a blind guy on campus was walking around and he looked confused; one of the guys ran up and asked him where he was trying to go, then directed him the rest of the way. Then the RA Devin, who is a complete stranger to me, showed up just to talk about Canada... Why? Because people down here are awesome and you do stuff like that. People just honestly care about other people. You just make friends with everyone and try to have as much fun as possible while going to school. I am going to stop assuming I know everything about a person and instead try and get to know people better in my ward and classes. People can surprise you, and when they do it's often the best part of your day.
If one feels the need of something grand, something infinite, something that makes one feel aware of God, one need not go far to find it. I think that I see something deeper, more infinite, more eternal than the ocean in the expression of the eyes of a little baby when it wakes in the morning and coos or laughs because it sees the sun shining on its cradle. -- Vincent van Gogh
Dear Mom, I miss your cooking!! ...and so does my empty college stomach. I am just realizing now that you're one of the greatest examples in my life. I don't know where I would be without you, or who I would be for that matter. I miss you everyday. Thanks for always supporting me; I couldn't have asked for more. Dear Sleep, You've never been better. :)Thank you Janeen for the wonderful foam that has finally giving me a love for my bed! Dear Randa, Come home and bring your baby with you. I miss you both and your wonderful Sunday dinners that remind me of home. Dear Karen, You're the best. Not many people could put up with me as much as you do. I promise to grow up soon. Not real soon, but it's a work in progress. Please stop teasing me about being one of "those girls"! Dear Math, I hate you for letting me get two questions wrong. I worked so hard and you stole ten percent from me in a flash! Dear Friday Night, Thanks for being awesome, thanks for puff-wheat, thanks for stair rails that are oh so amusing, and thanks for Jenga. Dear girls volleyball, You did better than the football team :) Dear Ryker, I love you. You're the cutest thing I have ever laid eyes on. Please let Randa and Cam get some more sleep. Dear Diet, Mr.Noodle (chicken) you are so very tasty; however, I really miss real food. You've heard of the Freshman 15... well I got the Freshman -15. I think I could use a taste of other food groups for a bit. Please take a break from me. Dear Nikki, You're the best TA. Thank you for all your help. I would be lost in math without you. Dear Boys, Confusing much?? Dear Bio, I'll work on you tomorrow... or possibly the next day...and I won't miss the deadline for your test. Dear Google-Maps, Thank you for existing so I could look at my beautiful town, my truck, the temple, and my home. Makes me feel closer to home. Dear Karlee, You're sometimes ridiculous, and you worry to much. Relax and have fun. Continue to work hard and don't forget the things that are most important to you!